8 Sentence Sunday #9

Posted Jun 8 2014, 7:30 am in , , , ,

Later in the scene from last week in Catch Your Breath, Jimmy and his partner have promised Moira a story if one develops. When she goes back into her apartment, Jimmy doesn’t hear her lock up. Gabby heads down to the car, and Jimmy tells her he’ll be there in a minute.

When Gabby hit the landing and turned the corner, he grabbed the doorknob and turned. Sure as shit, it turned without any resistance whatsoever. What the hell was that girl thinking?

He opened the door and strode in. She had the radio on and he knew she couldn’t hear him. He leaned against the wall in the hallway at the epicenter of the apartment and waited. She wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without seeing him.

Within a minute she emerged from her bedroom wearing a skimpy robe while reading the label on a jar.

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5 Comments

Comments

5 responses to “8 Sentence Sunday #9”

  1. Millie Burns says:

    Oh boy, he’s teaching her a lesson she’ll not soon forget. She’s not gonna like it, but hopefully she learns from it 🙂

  2. Now THIS is a fun development! Well, ok scary for her but she does need to learn the lesson. Excellent excerpt!

  3. Tina Christopher says:

    Holy Moly! I bet there will be screaming and shards, but hopefully also a lesson learned. Great snippet.

  4. Nan says:

    Yikes! He’s going to scare the pee out of her–that’s mean! Great 8, Shannyn!

  5. Yep, this’ll scare the begeesus out of her!

    One little thing jumped out at me. It stopped my reading flow. “Turned” is used three times in quick succession. I think it tripped me up.

    Maybe–suggestion?

    When Gabby hit the landing and turned the corner, he grabbed the doorknob and gave it a twist. Sure as shit, it moved without any resistance whatsoever.

    Good 8!