8 Sentence Sunday #33

Posted Nov 3 2013, 7:30 am in , , , ,

Continuing on with Something to Prove — 

                   Colin O’Leary bounded down the back steps that led from his apartment to the bar. As he moved through the bar flipping on lights and prepping for the lunch crowd, he whistled a tune. As much as he enjoyed the crowds and the noise of the lively bar, this was his favorite part of the day. This was his time to be Colin O’Leary, bar owner. It didn’t matter that the bar wasn’t really his. Morning prep allowed him the time to pretend it was, that his father had left the bar to him.

                   Then the back door swung open and his bubble burst. He could tell by the sound of Ryan’s steps that his brother was in a bad mood.

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5 Comments

Comments

5 responses to “8 Sentence Sunday #33”

  1. Nan says:

    Great 8, Shannyn–enjoying this one so far!

  2. Millie Burns says:

    I love Colin’s enthusiasm and joy. It rings out loud and clear. One thing though, and this is probably just a little tick of mine (I have no idea if it would bother anyone else)…but in these eight sentences you’ve used the word bar 6 times… The second one, maybe you can change to the word room or soemthing else, I’d just strike through of the lively bar, keep the fourth, the fifth maybe subsitute the name of the establishment, the sixth just use the word it? Again, just my own humble thoughts on the matter : ) Colin seems so fun and lively!

  3. This family has such complicated dynamics…but fascinating to read about. Another excellent excerpt!

  4. Sarah Cass says:

    I just love how enthusiastic he is about the bar. It’s wonderful. The family dynamics are so complicated, though. I can’t wait to see more and try to figure them out!

  5. Loads of information tucked into a few sentences. I really got a feel for his character and for his situation. Nicely done! 🙂